The Patch
I recently quit smoking for 4 weeks. Four weeks! It was great. I was losing my cravings and everything. Then it happened. I fell off the wagon.
I smoked for about 10 days. This morning, I put the patch back on.
I REALLY WANT A CIGARETTE!!!!
NO.
NO.
NO.
I wish there was a patch for the patch.
How about a patch for idiots? Wouldn't that be cool? We could buy them for anyone. When in line at Subway, just slap one on the clerk behind the counter who doesn't understand that you just told him/her/it "WHEAT." Think of all the fun you could have with a patch like that. Better yet, how about an asshole patch. Man, I would be flinging those things out my car window at other drivers all the time.
I think the funniest thing about me being on the patch is that I rub the damn thing like it's a genie lamp. If I rub it hard and fast, will a nicotine blast erupt into my system and keep me from feeding my addiction? So far, answers point to "no." I remember an episode of "Absolutely Fabulous" where the blonde character (no ginkgo today....can't remember her name) had about 20 of those suckers on and was smoking like a chimney. It was hysterical. She thought she was actually re-charging the patches.
It's been 23 years and I really need to stop this crap before it stops me.
In other news, did anyone know that Blondie put out a live album in 1999? Perhaps none of you care. I confess that I picked it up today for a dismal price of $2.99. The mix kind of sucks, but the material is fantastic. I especially like the 5-minute-plus version of "Shayla." Sweet...
I smoked for about 10 days. This morning, I put the patch back on.
I REALLY WANT A CIGARETTE!!!!
NO.
NO.
NO.
I wish there was a patch for the patch.
How about a patch for idiots? Wouldn't that be cool? We could buy them for anyone. When in line at Subway, just slap one on the clerk behind the counter who doesn't understand that you just told him/her/it "WHEAT." Think of all the fun you could have with a patch like that. Better yet, how about an asshole patch. Man, I would be flinging those things out my car window at other drivers all the time.
I think the funniest thing about me being on the patch is that I rub the damn thing like it's a genie lamp. If I rub it hard and fast, will a nicotine blast erupt into my system and keep me from feeding my addiction? So far, answers point to "no." I remember an episode of "Absolutely Fabulous" where the blonde character (no ginkgo today....can't remember her name) had about 20 of those suckers on and was smoking like a chimney. It was hysterical. She thought she was actually re-charging the patches.
It's been 23 years and I really need to stop this crap before it stops me.
In other news, did anyone know that Blondie put out a live album in 1999? Perhaps none of you care. I confess that I picked it up today for a dismal price of $2.99. The mix kind of sucks, but the material is fantastic. I especially like the 5-minute-plus version of "Shayla." Sweet...
posted by Gern at 2:46 PM
2 Comments:
Darling, what would you wish upon me?
If there was an idiot patch, I'd go out of business, and an asshole patch would have kept me from ever having a date.
I love assholes, they make the greatest romantic figures. Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights, Pride and Predjudice's Mr. Darcy, even Lady's Tramp was a scoundrel. Assholes are sexy.
And for the record, because I'm a geek and can't resist, the blonde in AB-Fab is Patsy and some of us got the Blondie CD when it first came out in '99.
That wasn't bragging, that was more like a confession.
Yeah, in your line of work, I can see how an idiot patch would cripple your income. Well, that's only if someone knew enough to apply them to any of your customers....
Never thought of assholes being sexy. Most politicians are assholes, and I find none of them the least bit sexy.
Yeah, so I slacked in 99. I was probably in a coma.
Thanks for reminding me of Patsy's name. Brain farts hurt sometimes.
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