I Actually Know People Like This

I was sitting at the counter in a diner recently, next to a blonde woman who was engrossed in reading her newspaper. I noticed one of the headlines that blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." I could see she shook her head at the sad news as she read the article. Then suddenly, she turned toward me and asked, "How many is a brazilian?"

************

I promised myself that I wouldn't continue to rag on the Annoying Bitch I Work With, but I seem to be really good at breaking promises to myself lately.

AB is training her replacement - but I already mentioned that her replacement isn't much better than her. What's even sadder is that AB is training El Blimpo to be just as annoying as herself. I have been swamped heavily since I returned from vacation, and I have only this week to catch up on all my emergency ad hoc requests before I am gone all next week again for a conference.

But, that doesn't stop AB from nudging EB to nag me about something I just don't have time to get to (nor is it really that important).

I am considering purchasing a real chalkboard to replace my eraserboard. Then, everytime I hear either AB or EB speak, cough, sigh, or breathe, I will drag a series of metal files across the chalkboard, sending screaches of agony to their cubicles. Maybe I can lace all their chewing gum with shreds of aluminum foil. Better yet, I will inject their little bottles of lotion with itching powder and replace their Kleenex with sandpaper.

I'm really not a mean and twisted person. And I will kill anyone by slow torture who says otherwise.