Just Desserts

I hate it when I have colliding feelings. A part of me is very depressed while another part of me is very relieved.

I have this lame side gig where I design websites. I have 3 clients. Wow. 3. One is really great, but I don't really do any work for them any more because they don't want anything else done with their site - it's my least favorite project.

Another client is on the edge of being dropped by me because they are such complete idiots. I never thought of myself as a genius, but I have great difficulty working with people that have a severe case of cranium rectumitis. Maybe that makes me a snob, but I don't care.

My third client is also a giant pain in the ass. They are a chamber of commerce for a rich suburb of DFW. They were in a pinch and I offered my services to them to re-design their site. I was very proud of the work I did. They were slow in payment to me on several occasions, and I wanted to drop them many times. But, the work was steady - $50 or so a month for tiny changes and updates (all this after my initial design fee which was several hundred dollars). Yeah, I don't charge much.

I always wanted to have the chamber as the brightest spot in my portfolio. Today, the chamber dropped me. So, part of me is relieved that I no longer have to deal with their questionable business ethics, yet the other part of me is distraught over losing my design. MY design!

I have always been the "idea person." I am the one that has a good initial idea, and either someone else steals it, or I give it away. Fucking stupid. Usually it's because I lack the financial resources to get something off the ground. Other times, it's just outright theft.

I had an idea to start a publication and website in my area for homeowners who sell their properties themselves (For Sale By Owner - FSBO). Three years later, I am doing piecemeal work for a true business cretin that has taken my concept and beaten it so close to death that I am ashamed to admit the work is mine. In fact, I usually place my company's name and a hyperlink to my site at the bottom of earch site I develop. Not this one. I don't want anyone to know I have anything to do with that piece of shit.

I found out about losing the chamber right before I left work. Upon leaving, I went to drop off a CD to my so-called bandmates and decided to go to Sam's Club. Sam's is the only place in town that is rarely out of IBC root beer - and, obviously, it's a buttload cheaper.

I should not go shopping when I am depressed. I was fairly successful at not draining my account, but I still spent more than I should have. Sadly, the "comfort food" aisle didn't do much for me. But the deli aisle did.

I came home to embrace my meal with some television before starting the process of turning over my work to an alien. My beloved feline, Zoe, salivated at my culinary choice for the evening (one of her personal favorites) - pork...specifically pork spare ribs. I had to warn her repatedly to stay away from my food, and she complied without argument. But I had to take a picture of her staring at my food with desire.

She is the only true aspect of stability in my life. No matter what, she loves me, and I love her. She chose me over ten years ago and she has never left my side. I have put her through a lot of shit, and she still climbs up my chest to knead her paws on me. She has, on occasion, actually leaned close to my mouth and placed her lips on mine. She knows what a kiss is. I have moved her 7 times and she has never complained. Well, if she has, I haven't heard it. She was in a car accident with me. When she goes, a very large part of me will go with her.

So, this was supposed to make me feel better. You know, to just vent, let it all out. Bullshit.

I wonder if any other bloggers find themselves in situations where they are out, doing their thing, and they start to think about how they will write about what they are currently experiencing. It happened to me early this evening. I was loading my haul from Sam's into the back of my SUV, and I was literally plotting out the sentences. It briefly felt psychotic. Thank gawd I didn't actually write what I had thought about.

Italian Cream Cake for dessert. Mmmmmmmmmmm..........