Ready.....Set......Stretch
Yesterday, MSN had an article on their home page about blogging. The headline cracked me up. It was something like: "Can you be fired for blogging?" Of course, the meat of the article had to do with people that actually talked in specifics about their job, releaseing trade secrets, etc. Of fucking course you could get fired for that shit. Sometimes I honestly believe the media is convinced we are all retarded. Oh, yeah, that's why I don't watch network television...
So on that note:
I work for...oops! I almost got fired!
The company I work for is "nice." Genuinely "nice." This makes me suspect them all the time because NO ONE is "nice." Altruism is but a faint glimpse of a hope for humanity. So, I don't trust anyone that is "nice."
About 6 months ago, a new program started where I work. It's all about health - mental and physical. Yoga classes started, health questionnaires flurried about, e-mail contests began. At first, I thought, "Wow, these people actually care about my well-being..." Nades. (Midwestern slang for "no fucking way.")
Yeah, well, it was all cute and inspirational for the first 3 minutes. Now, every day there is something new to be added to our little "health awareness" program.
Each day:
1) Stretching exercizes at your desk.
2) Walks on your breaks
3) Drink so much water you spend the bulk of your productive time in the bathroom
4) Log all your activity on a spreadsheet and turn it in for recognition
5) Company-wide e-mail that will make you feel like a piece of shit for not participating
Each week:
1) Yoga
2) Chair massages that you have to pay for, and are violently ecnouraged to do so, so as to not waste the massage therapist's time (but did I ask for this????)
3) Report your progress to the program coorinator's administrative assistant
I have blocked out any further requirements in order to keep myself focussed on my actual job. I figure that if I participated 100%, my company would have to hire 2 or 3 more people to work with me because I would be too busy walking, drinking, stretching, and completing progress sheets. But, hey, what a way to make a living. Almost better than being a porn star. Almost
I know it's a great idea. I know it's for the betterment and "wellness" of the organization. Just don't fucking cram it down my throat.
Oops, I'm late for my stretching....
So on that note:
I work for...oops! I almost got fired!
The company I work for is "nice." Genuinely "nice." This makes me suspect them all the time because NO ONE is "nice." Altruism is but a faint glimpse of a hope for humanity. So, I don't trust anyone that is "nice."
About 6 months ago, a new program started where I work. It's all about health - mental and physical. Yoga classes started, health questionnaires flurried about, e-mail contests began. At first, I thought, "Wow, these people actually care about my well-being..." Nades. (Midwestern slang for "no fucking way.")
Yeah, well, it was all cute and inspirational for the first 3 minutes. Now, every day there is something new to be added to our little "health awareness" program.
Each day:
1) Stretching exercizes at your desk.
2) Walks on your breaks
3) Drink so much water you spend the bulk of your productive time in the bathroom
4) Log all your activity on a spreadsheet and turn it in for recognition
5) Company-wide e-mail that will make you feel like a piece of shit for not participating
Each week:
1) Yoga
2) Chair massages that you have to pay for, and are violently ecnouraged to do so, so as to not waste the massage therapist's time (but did I ask for this????)
3) Report your progress to the program coorinator's administrative assistant
I have blocked out any further requirements in order to keep myself focussed on my actual job. I figure that if I participated 100%, my company would have to hire 2 or 3 more people to work with me because I would be too busy walking, drinking, stretching, and completing progress sheets. But, hey, what a way to make a living. Almost better than being a porn star. Almost
I know it's a great idea. I know it's for the betterment and "wellness" of the organization. Just don't fucking cram it down my throat.
Oops, I'm late for my stretching....
posted by Gern at 1:45 PM
2 Comments:
Well, I guess I consider myself slightly mad and a bit of a nerd (when it comes to technology), so I guess your definition can fit.
But, honestly, I have never really imagined analyzing it, so, sure, why not?
The thing with the massages is that it's like $10 for 10 minutes. Any decent massage (for me) has to be about an hour. Somehow, I don't think they (my company) would be too cool with that.
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